The Definition of Undefined

With Dave being gone, we will at some point in the next few months need to find alternate insurance benefits. I decided to be semi-proactive and check the healthcare market place to see what our options will be when it is needed.  I started filling out the online application, but stopped after one of the first question: Married or Single.... 

I have never imagined spending a day with anyone besides Dave; we were picture perfect.  He was the first and only boyfriend I ever really had.  Sure having met him at 14 (he was 16) we had bumps along the way, small breakups, fights ect.  However, we haven't had any "issues" of that sort since before I graduated high school, basically 10 years now.  We just worked so well together.  He was rather easy going and agreeable, I am neither of those.  Dave loved not having to think about much of anything, I know it sounds silly to some, but he was quite content with just going along.  As long as I left time for him to fit in a game hockey or round of golf, or for a stop at the brewery; he didn't much mind what I planned.  When I decided it was time for a project he never complained, knowing I would surely compensate his hard work with his favorite; a back rub.  Did we argue and disagree, of course, but we aren't the type of people who would stay angry for any real amount of time.  We talked about how we would be those old people you read about on Facebook, who have been together for 50+ years and pass away lying side by side holding hands; like the old people in the movie Titanic.  My great grand parents were together for what seemed like an eternity, I really don't think they ever spent a day apart.  I grew up spending most summer days at their house, and I am sure watching their marriage had a huge influence on mine.  My great grandma was much like I am.  She wanted things her way, and my great grandfather just went with it; not really minding.  Even on the night before our wedding, Dave and I slept in the same house, just different rooms.  I didn't want to be farther from him then that.  We had no problem doing things separately, we just chose not to.  

Married or Single? I feel like the definition of undefined.  I haven't stopped being his wife, he's still my husband.  The word Widow is something I don't even like to look at... it sounds so; old. But what happens when even that isn't an option on a questionnaire? Am I married?  We weren't divorcing, I didn't choose to have him removed from my life.  If not for his accident we would be just as married and happy today as we were 3 weeks ago.... But that accident did happened; and he's gone.  I don't want to be "single" or even defined as such.  I am as devoted to him and as in love with him today as I have ever been.  I haven't even taken into consideration NOT wearing my rings, and I don't plan on it anytime that I can think of.  Will there be a day I decide differently? I have no idea.  Even at the hospital sitting with him, the only time a I really really lost it; was when the nurse took his ring off of him to give me.  He NEVER took that ring off, I placed it there April 5, 2009 and it hadn't moved since that day.  Dave was so proud of that; so am I.  He wouldn't even take it off for me to clean it, I had to do it on his finger (which really isn't very effective).  We never stopped being married, he just stopped being here.... so what does that make me? I couldn't be more proud of the man/husband/father that he was, and I feel so incredibly blessed to grow up loving him, I will happily and so very proudly tell anyone and everyone I was (am?) his wife. I find it interesting now, that at our wedding ceremony the vows we used never mentioned "till death do us part".  I actually found/wrote the vows we both used, and that phrase is one I didn't want included. It seemed so morbid, and unnecessary at the time; it still does.  I don't need a definition of what I "am" in terms of our relationship for myself.  I will never stop being his wife.  On paper, I'm not sure.  Maybe someone out there with some legal knowledge can decipher that for me; but I honestly don't much care either way.